Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
