Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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