Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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