Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
