My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
