Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
