Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
