i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
