So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
