I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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