you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
