White coat. Heels.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
