If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
