So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Your dad touched me again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
