I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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