I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
