so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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