Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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