i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
