bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize