Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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