i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize