all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
