So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
