rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
