GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
