Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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