The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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