he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"