Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"

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  (570): my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth" http://tfl.nu/khrw
  Replies (19) Good night (3420) Bad night (906)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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  (954): I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies" http://tfl.nu/cnee
  Replies (16) Good night (5046) Bad night (1324)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

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  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
  Replies (16) Good night (5826) Bad night (604)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.

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  (571): I seriously fake cumming more than i poop. http://tfl.nu/kwns
  Replies (33) Good night (717) Bad night (5567)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

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  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7621) Bad night (1072)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed

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  (863): if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/59ub
  Replies (8) Good night (5403) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  does that include her cleaning your bowl?

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  (616): my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave. (1-616): does that include her cleaning your bowl? http://tfl.nu/8sts
  Replies (10) Good night (5810) Bad night (1174)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

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  (201): oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay. http://tfl.nu/lkny
  Replies (24) Good night (2203) Bad night (3481)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (3449)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

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  (678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x
  Replies (5) Good night (1410) Bad night (941)
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  (716): View more from New York

  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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  (716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j
  Replies (34) Good night (5872) Bad night (1344)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.

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  (773): in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already. http://tfl.nu/yc7m
  Replies (9) Good night (1772) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  am i new drunk or am i still drunk

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  (561): am i new drunk or am i still drunk http://tfl.nu/zvnj
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.

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  (928): Well I was going to go home but vodka happened. http://tfl.nu/0ttq
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (248)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.

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  (775): She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again. http://tfl.nu/g27v
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (380)

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