I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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