It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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