Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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