Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on