Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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(301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r

Replies (10) Good night (736) Bad night (2313)
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(801): View more from Utah

Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...

(435): View more from Utah

A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?

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(801): Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah... (435): A message to Mrs Obama perhaps? http://tfl.nu/yprl

Replies (8) Good night (1166) Bad night (562)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.

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(423): it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me. http://tfl.nu/odtr

Replies (7) Good night (650) Bad night (2830)
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(818): View more from California

dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.

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(818): dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants. http://tfl.nu/6u1l

Replies (29) Good night (1129) Bad night (5291)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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(843): Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way. http://tfl.nu/hex7

Replies (23) Good night (5347) Bad night (1334)
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(419): View more from Ohio

you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

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(419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g

Replies (7) Good night (4016) Bad night (1189)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

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(920): If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet http://tfl.nu/w7lt

Replies (3) Good night (1970) Bad night (724)
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(850): View more from Florida

No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....

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(850): No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status..... http://tfl.nu/5hnt

Replies (9) Good night (2875) Bad night (1154)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him

(307): View more from Wyoming

Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere

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(907): I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him (307): Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere http://tfl.nu/182x

Replies (4) Good night (1127) Bad night (516)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.

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(937): I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem. http://tfl.nu/odx7

Replies (22) Good night (1475) Bad night (473)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.

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(412): This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him. http://tfl.nu/rlpz

Replies (6) Good night (1359) Bad night (556)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."

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(920): "Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see." http://tfl.nu/5bgq

Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (317)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot

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(775): Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot http://tfl.nu/cjjt

Replies (5) Good night (1025) Bad night (336)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?

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(519): Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot? http://tfl.nu/ltik

Replies (3) Good night (390) Bad night (310)
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(972): View more from Texas

He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"

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(972): He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?" http://tfl.nu/pqbh

Replies (4) Good night (224) Bad night (652)

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