so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
