im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
