I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
only if we run a train.
done.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
