I have demons in me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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