: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
