Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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