I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize