Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
