pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
