I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
