I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
