Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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