my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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