The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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