Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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