My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize