It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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