Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
