so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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