your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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