i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm at about main and main street
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
