With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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