the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
