Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
