i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
