I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
