he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
