My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
