a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
