saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
