DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
