Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
