is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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