in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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