Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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