Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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