I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
