how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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