Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize