dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i've created a new STD.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
