He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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