every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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