i would punch a child for taco bell
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
