My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
