I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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