when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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