i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
