Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
