sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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