Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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