ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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