Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
