Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have fence marks all over my body
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
