Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
