Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
