dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
