i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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