The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
