Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
