Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
